Liverpool Chasing Spoiler Glory

Slowly but surely, one by one, Liverpool's pre-season goals have whittled down from Premier League contenders, to Europa League hopefuls. Back in August, the now annual tradition of unfounded optimism was taking over the rational mind of the average Liverpool supporter, and had harboured beliefs of finally clinching the Premier League title. Which, in doing so would reinstate Liverpool's much talked about history, as the present day record holders of being England's most successful club.

Unfortunately, from the almost beginning of the season, aspirations of the Premier League title had pretty much evaporated before Christmas. Up next, the FA Cup. A worthy prize for any club, no matter what the targets are at the start of the season. Struggling Championship side Reading, in typical FA Cup fashion, performed the unlikely miracle of overturning Liverpool at Anfield following a goal at the death, then pursued to kick Liverpool when they were down in extra time. Next to fall, ahhh the Champions League. When ever a season is heading south, you can rely on the trusty old European Cup. So kind in recent years, so fruitful. How could it desert Liverpool after such romance??

Carry on reading >>

Predictable as Ferguson and Benitez

The moment the ball flew off Didier Drogba's boot and rifled in to the back of Edwin van Der Sar's net, with the heavy suspicion of offside, I knew, predictably, that Ferguson would instantaneously begin rehearsing his ensuing wrath about the officials for the post match press conference.

The replays, as expected confirmed that the linesmen had made a glaring mistake, and I am sure the incrimination, would have had the offending man in black panic stricken, also bringing in to question his chosen profession. Why on earth would you be a linesman?? Is this not a job that could have been replaced by a more efficient and accurate machine? Holes in the wall can dispense cash, arguably with more polite delivery than their human counterparts, so why is there not a machine that can judge offsides? Failing robotic linesmen, at least give them the use of a video replay.

Carry on reading >>

Burnley refuse to throw in the white towel after sickening 6-1 defeat

A thumbing swing from Adebayor, a neat hook inside the post by Bellamy, and a jab from Tevez. Ding-ding-ding. With little over 6 minutes on the clock, or the equivalent of two rounds of boxing, Manchester City managed to pulverize Burnley, in what was more like a towering heavy weight vs a whimpering feather weight than a Premier League match.

Carry on reading >>

Liverpool anything but "Guaranteed" 4th place

Following their deflating loss to old foe Manchester United, Liverpool teeter on the brink of being banished from the exclusive top four party.

Liverpool started the game at Old Trafford in explosive fashion, daring to take the lead after only 5 minutes of play, the first goal United have conceded at home since their loss to Aston Villa back in December last year. The goal was supplied by a Dirk Kuyt cross from the byline, which Fernando Torres leaped majestically to, burying his header unopposed. Such was the quality of the header, that current England captain Rio Ferdinand, and much rumored to be recalled as England right back, Gary Neville, both left Torres unmarked. Preferring, instead, to gaze in awe like a pair of adoring statues.

Carry on reading >>

Roy Hodgson to Manage one of the Big Four??

Surely, now it is only a matter of time before Roy Hodgeson is summoned by one of the big four? Is this a knee jerk reaction to Fulham's triamphant 4-1 defeat of none other than Juventus? Admitdly, yes, a little. But there is some weight to this impulsive endorsement. No longer can the credentials of Roy Hodgeson, ever growing in stature -CV be ignored. Slowly but surely over the course of the last three years, Hodgeson has taken Fulham from the brink of relegation in the 2007-08 season to a team that now thinks it can punch above its weight, and knock out the Old Lady in the process. Who does it think it is?

So, if the prediction that Hodgson, is but moments away from rubbing shoulders with the elite of the big four, which one is he most likely to succeed. In forensic like detail, here is a look at the candidates.

Carry on reading >>

The FA: Are you losing it? If I play left back, Probably!!

We've all seen it at some point during the days of playing youth football. The obnoxious parent, that insists on making his presents felt off the pitch, while the child and the rest of the team cringes at each scornful remark.

Carry on reading >>

Footy Club Limelight.....Coming to a team near you!!

I know, the anticipation of the upcoming new series is nearly to much to take, but your patience is soon to be richly rewarded, and the excruciating wait, almost over. Starting next week I am pleased to announce, I will be writing a new weekly series called "Footy Club Limelight." Each article will be a concise, but devoted critique delving in to the inner sanctum of each of the 92 clubs in England. The journey will be starting from the lowest division in the Football League, League Two, marching all the way to mecca and the promised land of Football that is, the Premier League.

The purpose of this selfless act, will be to explore each and every club, shedding some light on some of the lesser known teams in England, dimming it on the bigger, and weighing up their credentials as potential suitors to be the chosen one.

Sure, sometimes the decision on which club to support is made for you, either by shear proximity, a dictatorial parent or sibling, or a combination of both. Though, other times, the thought of following your local team is about as appealing as resigning yourself to a life of perpetual stagnation. Or, perhaps, the role model in your life has worryingly poor taste, that you refuse to indulge. For example, my Brother supports Manchester United.

As the game has now truly become global, their is also the proposition that the nearest local team could be several thousands of miles away. And, as this global market continues to grow, how and who exactly is scooping up these millions of devotees, eager to swear their allegiance.

Often supporting a club is compared to following a religion, and for me personally, my faith has been brought seriously in to question of late, given the perils that Liverpool's season now finds its self in. But, as with religion, my blind faith for Liverpool continues unrelenting. The very idea of ever switching the club one supports, or "converting", is a perverse one, that would severely undermine the years of building a superior integrity among your fellow peers. It would also immediately prompt them to have you checked in to the Priory. Indefinitely.

However, these testing times, have made me think about why I support my chosen team, and would the solution of lowering one's expectation when choosing their beloved club, have a direct impact on the correlation of their mood and the results on Saturday afternoon?? Could this thesis be the answer to seemingly unprovoked acts of domestic violence?

Probably not. Even if I were to do the proper, civilized thing, which is to surpress mood swings and support my local team, Worcester City, and not glory hunt in the ripples of the Mersey, I am sure I would still be able to justify the importance of a 3-2 defeat in a preseason friendly at the hands of Stourport Swift. This, in itself is the very nature of the football supporter.

However, despite this tribal like behavior, by the end of this epic journey I will hope to have complied a comprehensive, if not encyclopedic guide to all the clubs in England. Concluding with which team is the best team to support and why. Surely their is a definitive answer?

As there is a local theme to this series, I am making one exception to the rule of only exploring the 92 teams included in the Football League and the Premier League. Unfortunetely, as I am sure this series will no doubt explain in scathing elicit details, my local team is not in a high enough tier of English football to qualify for the series. So, therefore I will start the series with my home town team Worcester City FC, then jump from the glamours of the Blue Square South Division, to League Two. The reason for including Worcester then bypassing the rest of the teams in the division is partly because Worcester holds obvious sentimental value which makes it a logical place to begin, but mostly because I really can not be bothered to add a further 45 clubs to an already intimidating list.

After Worcester has been warmly perceived as the best team to support in all of England, I will then, just as a many teams have done before, climb my way up the divisions until I reach the Premier league, where I will finish with the team I support, Liverpool.

For obvious reasons I am looking forward to writing about Everton and Manchester United, but the other personal highlight will be Norwich City. Not quite so obvious, but those who know me well enough will understand why.

This will be a long and arduous task, and I will need all the help I can get. If there are some palpable reason why the club you so dearly love, simply is "By far the greatest team the World has ever seen" be sure to let me know. I will endeavour to keep the phone lines unjammed and the inbox well monitored, as the building plethora of anticipation has you salivating at this monumental challenge. Although, realistically, the salivating could just be down to being rendered gormless by the prospects of a fruitless task. Until next week, control yourself.

5 Steps to save Liverpool's plummeting reputation

Originally this was going to be a simple guide that Rafael Benitez could thumb through at his leisure, possibly while nonchalantly grooming his goatee, on how Liverpool's season could be saved from the human misery that it is now inflicted on everyone of its supporter. However, following last nights FA Cup defeat at the hands of a plucky Reading side that is languishing one place above the relegation zone in the Championship, its has become obvious with crystal clear clarity, that its far too late to save the season.

Yes, I have finally awaken from a self inflicted solitary confinement of denial, and have come to terms with that the only prize being offered now, is the glimmer of holding on to a rapidly fading Liverpool reputation. I have mourned the Champions League, and have accepted that the Premier League will probably haven taken an early retirement by the time Liverpool ever get back into the reckoning.

So with out further delay, here is my simple 5 step plan on how Liverpool can salvage its ailing reputation.

1. Kidnap Xabi Alsono from Real Madrid
Given that Benitez was responsible for Alonso's exit following a baffling campaign to bring Gareth Barry to Anfield, I would task Benitez -accompanied by the aide of a crafty scouser sidekick, with a covert operation to smuggle Alonso back. Once returned back to his rightful home of Anfield, to avoid suspicion, Alsono would then have to adorn a wavy black wig that bounces with volume, and wear the shirt of his supposed replacement, Alberto Aqualani. With Aqualani absent most of the time due to his insatiable affection with the injury table, its the perfect guise, and a win win solution for all parties.

2. Hire Glenn Hoddle's faith healer
Having faith, albeit blind faith at times, is integral to any successful side, and is something that is sorely lacking, currently among the Liverpool ranks. The drastic inclusion of a faith healer in the dressing room might alienate Liverpool from their supporters, and cause a media frenzy, but a least this might detract from misfortunes on the pitch. It would also further cement the sentiment, "In Rafa we trust."

3. Re-brand the Europa League (again)
And shamelessly call it the Champions Division, where only champions past and present are eligible to qualify every year to the exclusive club. If your name doesn't have the word "Champion" inscribed after it on the prestigious list, then you aint getting in.

4. Expand the "Big four" to the "Big Six"
I am tired of the same old "big four" predictably shuffling themselves in an orderly queue for a dollop of nauseating Champions League dinner. An exhaustion that has nothing to do with the fact that Liverpool are in danger of inadvertently dropping out of the dinner line for the first time in years. No, I just feel its time that more Premier League clubs got the chance to participate in an already English dominated arena. Although, perhaps I am being overly ambitious and presumptuous to think that a top 6 finish for Liverpool is within reach.

5. Clone Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres
Dolly the sheep was cloned in the last century and Sam Rockwell was being duplicated for corporate convenience in the sci-fi thriller Moon, then surely cloning Liverpool's two star players must be a technological possibility? Sure, there would be a few minor ethical hurdles that would need to be navigated and maybe a couple of rule changes that FIFA would have to tweak, but nothing too major. For extra measure, I would also infuse the clones with horse placenta in a cocktail of equine-star athlete scientific mastery.

If for some inexplicable reason Benitez chooses to ignore all of the above recommendations thus further risking imminent failure, and, if you happen to be a Liverpool supporter reading this then you may wish to consider lowering the bar of expectation by beginning to support a team that already has a lower reputation. The only question being, with your faith so delicately poised, is which team has the right level of ability to carry your expectation? Which conveniently leads me to announce that I will be providing all the answers in a new series called "Club Limelight" in which I have given my self the epic task of critiquing all the prospective candidates starting from League 2 all the way to the Premier League. Quite a sacrifice you might say. Stay tuned for more details to follow next week.......

Liver Bird Heads Buried in sand

There is only one remedy that can dull the pain of seeing your beleaguered team spluttering into disappointment before the Christmas turkey has even been plucked -denial.

When ever Liverpool have a dip in form, I find my self consciously burying my head in the sand, avoiding match reports, switching off highlights, and shunning any talk of the teams misfortune even with fellow supporters, where you would think strength would be found in numbers. No, I prefer to disconnect and basically turn into a footballing social recluse. A flawed theory of "What you don't know can't hurt you." Hence the lack of posting's here in that last few weeks. Such is my desire to be insulated by grains of sands populating every orifice in my head, before the Lyon game, I even considered doctoring the Liver birds feathered head on my Liverpool shirt, so that it to was buried in the sand. If only I could sew.

Thankfully, I didn't vandalise the shirt despite Liverpool failing to stage yet another "Cup Final" turn around after being denied by Lyon's Lisandro equaliser at the death. Being pipped at the post is difficult pill to swallow at the best of times, but these things have a tendency to coincide with a string of poor results.

While I might have my head buried in the sand in vain attempt to shelter from the down pour of bad results, I refuse to believe that Liverpool's decent into the abyss, where Champions League football is just a mythical pipe dream the other teams outside the big four can only dream about, is anything more than poor form and horrendous luck. Besides the departure of Xabi Alonso to Real Madrid in the summer, the squad is fundamentally the same set of players, the manager is still Benitez and we are still owned by Americans who put the club in to debt in order to buy it.

Alonso, while he was obviously an integral cog to Liverpool's system, can not be the sole reason the teams form has since declined. Benitez had little choice on the departure once Alonso got the call from Perez who was building another generation of Galatico's. Instead he cashed in, and got a reasonable return and replacement in Aqualani, which is the nature of football. Players come and go, teams get rebuilt. I assumed Manchester United would be lost without the fantasy league points hording Ronaldo, but they seemed to have coped. Sure, winning the league and reaching the Champions League latter stages might not be such a full gone conclusion for Sir Alex's men, but their is no sign of imminent collapse.

I thought that victory over United would be the kick start to the season Liverpool so desperately crave, only for the debacle at Fulham to unfold seven days later. The sweat over Benitez brow seemed more like beads of liquid fear being squeezed out of the Spaniards pores as the pressure intensified at Craven cottage, but I still believe Benitez can and will turn Liverpool's ailing season around. Blind faith or classic denial? You decide. Until then, I will keep my head firmly buried in sand. Pluck me out of the dunes when we beat United again.

United's "next goal wins" tactic pays off once again.

Their aren't many things that I would adopt from North American Sports, I can live without the intermingled fans and the nauseating piano plucking that fails to make up for the absence of atmosphere, but punctual time keeping is defiantly one that I would favour. All North American sports, I believe, stop the clock for injuries and disciplinary. Even time sapping final minute substitutions would be a pointless tactical endeavor when you have the miraculous ability to freeze time with the push of a button.

When will the FA, finally update their time piece's with one's that have stop/start technology, i.e. a stop watch? Rugby has somehow kept up with technologies relentless charge towards progress with a complex audio device that hoots after 80 minutes, and they employ video replays for those decision that are just too tight or too physically difficult to call. Michel Platini's insistence to litter the bylines with humans brains, incapable of mental replays is an idiotic idea I will leave for another day.

Manchester United once again profited from stoppage time, rescuing a point against Sunderland after being uncharacteristically subdued for most of the game. Put it this way, its not often that Paul Scholes struggles with his passing, but he would have struggled to tie his own laces let alone thread a decent ball through a well organised Steve Bruce inspired defense.

Sir Alex Ferguson, vented his frustration at the Referee Alan Wiley's fitness being far inferior to that of a butchers dog from Europe, but I thought the rotund whistle blowers performance was just about at the level you would expect for 90 minutes. Nobody told him to train for 90+ minutes, poor little mongrel was probably wondering when it would finally end. I'm sure for his next match he wont be so ill prepared, having rebuilt his fragile self esteem by pounding the tread mill in mid week.

But its not just United I am targeting here. They have benefited from the most added on time in the Premiership over recent years, proved by a Guardian article published shortly after the outrageous 6 minutes added on in the Manchester derby last week -Craig Bellamy really does need to work on those over elaborate 6 minute goal celebrations- but teams win and lose out to vague stoppage time week in week out. In what profession are rough time estimates universally acceptable, apart from builders? Try explaining to someone unfamiliar with football, the complex equations needed to calculate what is a sufficient amount of additional time, and you end up making football look woefully primitive, as their disappointed faces will illustrate.

In a game, and especially the premier league, that has progressed so much in the last two decades in terms of both global appeal and the shear volumes of money at stake, football's reluctance to progress rectifiable problems is baffling. Its the equivalent of insisting on using a sun dial, only to start guessing the time when the ominous black clouds rudely cover the skies.

Besides feeling sorry for a referee that will now be insecurely checking his figure in the mirror, I to feel an unusual sense of empathy towards all referee's in general. Don't get me wrong, I am among the first to hurl verbal abuse at them through the TV, before the rationale of them obviously not being able to hear me enters my mind (when will they make TV's with two way audio so that I don't look psychotic??), but I can't help but feel they have way too much expectation heaped upon them. When you have the worlds eyes judging your every decision in HD, replays and slow motion, who then also needs the added worries of tacking on the right amount of additional -additional- time.

I say take away at least the time keeping responsibilities from referee's. Install a timer that has the uncanny ability to stop when needed, and signals the end of the half/game with a very clear horn blast. Mind you, it doesn't have to be a horn blast, I'm sure their are plenty of creative noises that could be used, such as Sir Alex Ferguson shouting one word profanities. That would do it. This way, ref's could concentrate on trying to make the right decisions instead of fretting over when to blow up for full time. The accuracy of their decisions can be assisted later, via video replay, but for now baby steps, one thing at a time.

This unprecedented, abrupt way to bringing games to a grinding halt will also prevent managers cowardly pointing at their Rolex's when sweating under the heat of the post match press box lights and camera's, as excuses slip their minds. Instead, they can moan about their own teams defensive lapses. For example, Where was Micah Richards when Owen slipped in that winner, and why on earth didn't Tevez boot the ball into the opposite stand when he had the chance? I await your answer Mr. Hughes.

Anyway, as progress in the governing bodies of Football seems to move at an excruciating slow pace, I'm sure my legislative reforms will take a while to churn through the cogs of bureaucracy, so for now I'm off to put Alan Wiley through his paces by chasing him with a butchers dog. One preferably from a Europe, like a German Sheppard. They must be from Germany right??

You know what is just around the corner.....

So, the scene is set, the team couldn't be in better shape after preseason training and friendlies in faraway locations. The tactics have been scrutinized and perfected down to the finest detail. The groundsmen has examined, and trimmed every last blade of grass. The weather -beaming. The boots -pristine. There is no more time left, we are on the verge, the unbearable anticipation is almost over.....

You would be given for thinking that the above was my fantasy of the beginning of the Premier League Season, but its actually the beginning of the 11 a side football season, if slightly exaggerated, that I want to bring to the forefront.

On a day when Richard Scudamore was promoting the Premier League as the global brand it has now become, expected to break the £1 billion mark in annual revenues for the first time this season, it seemed prudent to talk about grass roots football for a moment.


The FA have launched a new "What ever your level" campaign to get people back in to 11 a side football. I wouldn't normally start harping on about a "cause" but when I learned of the dwindling numbers of people playing 11 a side on the weekends, even I was surprised.

Over the last few season the number of teams signing up for 11 a side football has dropped by 1200. In the last season alone, 400 teams folded. The problem has a snowball effect, when too many teams fold within a league, it can cause a negative impact on the remaining teams, which in turn could see the entire league fold.

Its not all doom and gloom though for the game we love. The FA's National Game Strategy will see an investment of £200m into grassroots football over the next 3 years. In the mean time hopefully the video by the FA below will be inspiration enough to keep you from hanging up your boots. What ever your level, find a team and get stuck in.... I know I will!

Drop on the Tyne

Alan Shearer's search for a remedy to the poison chalice that is the Managerial hot seat at Newcastle United, comes to a fruitless end, and with it the Magpies 16 year love affair with the Premier League.

Since their Promotion from the then Division 1, in 1993 Newcastle United have served up some priceless moments, such as Kevin Keegan's "I'd love it if we beat them rant" rant, Faustino Asprilla's rubber legs and his hattrick in the Champions League -yes Champions League! Its these kinds of moments over the years that have made Newcastle, many supporters, including myself, their second team. Being a Liverpool supporter, I will certainly miss the clashes with Newcastle, that so often produced a goal feast.

Despite all the sentimental values and moments of nostalgia from the past, at Villa Park today, and like so often over the course of the season, Newcastle fell woefully short of the standard needed to ply your trade in the Premier League, and what could be deemed an insult, even the Championship.

Watching the game, it was no surprise that Newcastle would end up being condemned to relegation, via a hugely unfortunate deflection that saw Damien Duff gifted with the misfortune of an own goal. When your battling away in the drop zone, bad luck has a tendency to follow you like a bad smell, literally rubbing your nose in it.

Quite how a club as large as Newcastle, that possess many experienced Premier League players even managed to get themselves embezzled in a relegation battle is astounding, and can only be attributed to the managerial merry go round that has seen no less than four managers at the helm of St James'. Of course, many questions will be posed to the commitment and desire of certain players at the club, but as we have seen in the past time and time again, managerial uncertainty so often fuels the descent, from previous lofty heights. I'm sure many Geordie's would disagree, but would Newcastle be in this predicament had they not fired Sam Allardyce? Allardyce may have been responsible for Newcastle's dismal start, but I think had he been given more time, he would have dug Newcastle out of trouble, albeit in the most ugly of agricultural fashions.

Prior to the anticipated mass exodus of players from St Jame's, as Newcastle begin to prepare for life in England's second tier, a decision will have to be made on the immediate and long term future of interim manager, Alan Shearer. His managerial career may have started with the unsightly stain of relegation being marked on his CV, but this could be a blessing in disguise for at least Shearer, if not Newcastle as a whole. Nobody wants to be relegated, but this will force Newcastle, if not only for financial reason, to restructure and rid some of the dead wood that has rotted in its old age.

Over the last year, more than fog has descended over Newcastle, and at times I would have rather have watched Gazza's one hit singing wonder, Fog on the Tyne, than some of the football Newcastle have offered. I hope for Newcastle sake, home town legend Alan Shearer is given a permanent contact at St James, where he can offer them some stability, before any temptations of a music career are explored.

Setanta Tear Drops

Apparently, according to Setanta Sports, or at least Setanta in North America, Manchester United did not win the Premier league title this season. For some reason, I decided to subject myself to the Manchester United v Arsenal game, in the faint hope that Arsenal would be able to stop the rot that had set in over recent weeks, and conjure up a win at Old Trafford that would at least see the Premiership go to the final day, next weekend.

Unfortunately for Liverpool, the closest Arsenal came to halting the party proceedings, was a Cesc Fabrigas effort which struck the post in the closing moments. A few minutes later, the final whistle blew, and Old Trafford lethargically managed to put down the prawn sandwich's and rise to a sing along to the usual cliche 80's "champions" Ballard's, courtesy of Tina Turner and the like.

At this point, most people (apart from Man United fans of course) would have switched the tele off in frustration and grumbled off the rest of the day in a pissy mood. I retained the mood, but for some reason I chose not to hit the standby button, and stubbornly, slumped lazily in my dressing gown, channel changer in one hand, empty cup of tea in the other, masochistically suffered the celebrations like a unhealthy fetish disorder.

During this time of quiet introspection, I noticed that the level of decibel I was producing was not far inferior to that of the Theatre of Dreams. Why was the atmosphere so subdued? Was it because that winning the Premier league was now such a normal custom, that behaving inappropriately had become a choir, or maybe the delay while the pitch staff setup the winners podium, was testing the supporters patience. All I know is, had Liverpool, or many other teams for that matter, managed to clinch the title, I, and along with everyone in the stadium, in pubs and those sat on sofas would be going mental. The 19 year Premier League absenteeism, has made my heart grow fond, very fond indeed.

When finally the stage had been constructed, the fireworks and bottles of champagne readied, all that was left was for the United squad to reemerge from the tunnel, and administer my final whips of pain. Fortunately for me, and I am assuming more realistically because of Broadcasting rights, Setanta saved me from my own torment, and decided to compensate by cutting to generic shots of the Trafford crowd, and then even more astonishingly, to a take a far more important broadcasting assignment in Arsène Wenger's interview, in French -may I add, with Canal +!!!

What ever reasons for Setanta's baffling coverage, whether it be broadcasting rights or other, surely their must have been a more appropriate alternative than interviews not even in the channels language. Had Setanta's recent financial troubles left them short staffed over the weekend, leaving only the interns nervous fingers gingerly hovering over the producers dials?

I will take it as a blessing in disguise, and probably a happy coincidence that will do my mental state a world of good, probably more than the hollow victory for Liverpool at the Hawthorns did, which also indirectly resigned Albion to the Championship next season.

For every neutral or non Man United supporter, attention can be turned to next season, and more importantly, hoping that Sir Alex Ferguson will hang up his managerial boots some time soon, a fate that I think won't occur until Liverpool's now joint record of 18 league titles is eclipsed.

The Ronaldo Theatre of Sanctuary

The formula would appear to be very simple, score over 20 goals a season and gain immunity from Alex Ferguson's gum chewing wrath. Perhaps in the privacy of the changing room, Cristiano Ronaldo's claim of sanctuary may not be quite so safe.

In the public arena however, Ferguson and all of Ronaldo's followers will blissfully ignore the petulance shown after being substituted during the Manchester derby, arguing it demonstrates just how much the "boy" wants to play, and his passion for the Manchester United cause.

From the enlightened neutrals perspective though, Ronaldo's antics make it increasingly difficult to appreciate his talent. Obviously, no player wants to be substituted with half an hour still on the clock in a derby match, and plenty will illustrate their dissatisfaction, but snatching your coat from the hospitable kit bag guy, and then pouting in the dug out for rest of the game, was naive at best and disrespectful at worst, and didn't win over any opposition fans who just jump at the chance to have a pop at the Worlds best player. Much as I am doing right now.

Being a Liverpool supporter, having any admiration for a United player, irrespective of the undoubted talent is hard to concede, and in Ronaldo, we have the unfortunate combination of talent and over inflated ego in equal proportion. In Ronaldo's defense, being popular among non Trafford devotees, is probably not among his top concerns. The same can be said for any professional, but others do manage to balance their talent and legions, while still earning respect even from their rivals.

Which, is why I have to do the disloyal deed, and heap praise on Carlos Tevez. Apart from Sheffield United fans, how can you not admire the guy? I was wondering how the acquisition of Berbatov last summer, would effect United's team line up and how they would cater for four quality forwards. Unfortunately for the hard working Tevez, it would appear, rather unfairly that his Goal haul the previous season didn't grant him immunity from Ferguson.

Despite all the pre-match tabloid squalor, prior to the Manchester derby, Tevez did start the match, and notably celebrated in Ferguson direction after scoring a cracking right foot effort, curled in off the post from the edge of the box. Such is the determination of Tevez, that he was even willing to head the post in an effort to get his second and a United third! Fortunately for Manchester City, the post won that battle against Tevez -this time.

For City, if they ever needed motivation in a derby, derailing United's Premier league title aspirations would suffice. Unfortunately, toothless finishing in front of goal by the Premier League's most expensive player Robinho, has already started the rumour mill that Tevez will be plying his trade over at Eastlands next season.

For all the Tevez brilliance, Ronaldo petulance and City impotence here are the highlights.

Manchester United V Manchester City

Keane as Mustard

I am venturing dangerously close to becoming vaguely obsessed with the Coca Cola Championship, after this my second consecutive post on the subject. The growing obsession however, was vindicated by Roy Keane's decision to shave off his patchy gray goaty, (unlike Rafael Benitez who's baffling persistence sees his continuing uncanny resemblance to "Max" of "Max and Paddy's road to know where") and, arguably more importantly his return to management with Ipswich Town.

Despite the new clean shaven look, I am having trouble visualizing Keane jumping on a tractor and ploughing his way from Manchester to East Anglia. Sure, sporting a pair of wellies and slinging a double barrel shot gun over his shoulder will have Keane looking the part, its just that I was expecting something a little more glamorous, or at least an appointment to a Premiership club, upon his return to football.

Ipswich obviously have the potential to become a Premiership side following Marcus Evans' takeover in 2007 and subsequent investment of £44m in to the club. Keane has also been in familiar territory before, when he managed to gain promotion to the Premiership with Sunderland and spent a notable £80m. Evans may have wealth, but I don't think he has the desire to sink that much money into Ipswich, after stating that he wants to see a return on his initial investment within 5 years. Expecting to gain promotion and become an established premier league side without the continual investment of millions is highly ambitious to say the least.

In what is equally as ambitious, is Keane's desired goal of promotion next season. After confirming his move to Ipswich Keane said "Ive signed a two year contract but I'd like to try and get promotion in one year." This is the kind of determination and self imposed demands we come to expect of Keane, but working with a smaller budget and club than Sunderland will be a true test on his managerial potential. I believe he will get Ipswich promoted, but I am sceptical that he will deliver on the one year time frame.

Since his arrival, he has already managed to win the two remaining fixtures against Cardiff and Coventry, albeit meaningless games that see the Tractor Boys finish in mid table mediocrity. The championship and Ipswich will look forward to next season having gained a valuable character in Keane, and time will tell how long both of those relationships last. For now, and while Keane begins to re-shape his squad for next seasons promotion push, his dog will earn a well deserved rest from arduous Roy Keane walks, endured since last December.

Wolves back in Premier Pack

Being the arrogant supporter of one of the "big four" from the elite Premier League (clue: we are the only one of the big four that have never actually won the "premier" league), I must admit that the only time I really give the lower leagues, such as the Coca Cola Championship, any significant attention is usually when the season is coming to a conclusion. I would never be able to give any good betting tips on who will most likely be promoted/relegated. Although, to the Championships credit, you never really know how the season will pan out, as it doesn't suffer from the predictability that the Premier League does. I am still amazed that Stoke and Hull are in the Premier League, how and when did that happen?

Such is my lack of knowledge beyond the Premier League, that it was only last week that I, first realised that Wolverhampton Wanderers would more than likely gain automatic promotion, and secondly that life long Liverpool supporter Steve Morgan, whom had been thwarted countless times in his attempts to buy Liverpool, was now the owner of Wolves for a paltry tenner! Was the reason he was shunned repeatedly from the Liverpool oak wood negotiation table, due to the dog eared ten pound note he kept slapping on it?

Morgan's sound investment, looks to be paying early dividends as Wolves secured Premier League status with their 1-0 win at home to QPR during the week, signaled by a good old pitch invasion at the final whistle. A vision which had me wondering if an old Uni friend of mine was ignoring the stewards futile attempts to suppress euphoria, and had joined the many thousands celebrating with players on the Molineux pitch. Scenes which will probably be repeated in their last home game of the season this Sunday, after they wrapped up the Championship title following the 1-1 draw with Barnsley.

I can not imagine what it must be like for your club to gain promotion, but Morgan gave some perspective after claiming the sensation beat that of the 2005 Liverpool Champions League triumph over AC Milan. I think his judgment might have been clouded by his disbelief that the tenner has matured in to a Premier League pass, but his switched legions can be overlooked for now.

While Wolves will want to bask in the glory of being back in the Premier League pack, attention, at least for the team, will turn to planning survival for next season. They need only to look over at neighbouring rivals West Bromwich Albion to see how Premier League football can see you rooted to the bottom of the table, a stark contrast from winning regularly in the Championship the season before.

McCarthy will want to improve on his Premier League record, after his woeful performance of just 15 points with Sunderland in the 2005/06 season. Wolves chances of survival will depend heavily on the amount of money they can invest on new players, and more importantly how they invest that money. I always had my reservations that had Steve Morgan completed his acquisition of Liverpool, would he have had the financial clout to invest in the playing staff and the ambitious stadium plans? While the sums of money Morgan will be expected to hand McCarthy, will vary greatly from that of Liverpool, Morgan is no longer playing around in the Championship and it will be time to put the tenners away, and bring out the fat check book.

To McCarthy's credit he has over seen much of the overhaul at Wolves so far, on a very modest budget. Two players that have made it on to my very limited radar, the Guy with the double barrel name Ebanks-Blake, bought for just over a million and former under 21 Michael Kightley snapped up from some obscure team for $25,000 which is probably what the average salary demand will now be next season. Come the re-opening of the transfer window, McCarthy will need to intensify his bargain hunting again as he scours for more diamonds in the rough. He will also need to keep the admiring eyes away from the two diamonds he already possesses.

In the mean time we wait and see if Sheffield United can pip Birmingham, and join Wolves in automatic promotion. If they are successful, it will give them an opportunity to re-open hostilities with West Ham, whom they still hold grievances over the Carlos Tevez saga.

Who Invited Barca to the Brit Party?

Well it couldn't have been a complete English clean sweep in the Champions League semi final - the now annual Liverpool v Chelsea champions league quarter final, ensured Barcelona had a back door entrance to gatecrash the last four, at Munich's expense. This Barcelona victory, despite Munich's 12-1 cricket score against Sporting Lisbon in the previous round. In truth, Barca were at the party unfashionably early, given the 4 nil win they took from Camp Nou in the first leg.

With the dominant presence of 3 English clubs making it to the last four - a repeat of last year - the probability of an English European champion obviously increases considerably, and so to the chances of an all English Final.

Last year, AC Milan were the remaining hope that could break up the English supremacy, but their unconvincing form never really threatened Manchester United. However, this years favourites, Barcelona have the form and I believe, will not be fazed by the entitled English, authoritatively picking over the sausage rolls, and pineapple 'n' cheese on a cocktail stick, finger food, UEFA have so kindly provided. The latter, being a culinary delicacy, that has not made the transition to Europe's main land in quite the same fashion as English football. In fact, where else but England, is the combination of cubed pineapple and cheese impaled by a cocktail stick acceptable??

Barcelona must feel like the kid no one wanted to invite to the party, but turned up anyway. Despite this social faux pas and the numerical improbability, I am convinced Barcelona will reign Champions of Europe come May.

If Barcelona do prove to be successful in Rome, it will detract from the unwarranted attention the English Premier league's dominance in Europe now receives. Michel Platini or Sepp Blatter usually have some form of criticism which draws negative attention to English football, usually backed up by an out of touch solution. What the pair seem to fail to realise is, these concentrated moments of success have a tendency to be cyclical. Spain had their moment in the sun in the early 2000's with Real Madrid winning twice and making up an all Spanish encounter with Valencia. Before that, Italy were ruling with AC Milan appearing in 3 consecutive finals, which is just greedy!

Often I here the argument that the Champions League should only consist of the Champions of each domestic league, and not the swollen runners up, third and fourth competition it has now become. A return to a previous format which would give "smaller" clubs a better chance of European glory. At the very least, I can concede that having teams in a champions league that are not actually champions is some what of a grammatical contradiction, but if it were not for the expansions to include more teams, it would have been to the detriment of smaller clubs, and fans who wouldn't have witnessed what I biassedly perceive as the greatest final ever, when Liverpool and AC Milan met at the Atatürk Olympic Stadium in 2005.

Expanding the competition has helped grow its popularity, and has given more supporters the chance to see Europe's best talent showcased on their own doorstep. More clubs have also benefited from the cash windfall the Champions League brings, instead of being concentrated on a few of Europe's elite who are already minted.

My only criticism, would be that the current format does not include enough teams, especially from weaker division, a situation that is perpetuated by UEFA's own ranking coefficient that ensures Europe's strongest divisions are allocated more qualification places than others. I would like to see an expansion that would correct this imbalance by including runners up, third and fourth places from divisions that currently only have one or two qualifications, depending on the the amount of teams in that division.

This might be a solution that does not resonate with the competitions purest, and maybe it will take some credibility away from the Champions League, but it would benefit more clubs. Put it this way, I have heard of crazier ideas banded about by the likes of Platini and Blatter, whom have recently been joined by Bolton's chairman Phil Gartside in his quest, which is doomed to fail, that would see a two tier Premier League setup. An idea that is already dead before it has been disgust, at least for now. I will save the logistics of that debate for another day, for now here is the link to the ridiculous two tier setup- http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/eng_prem/8006934.stm

Shearer's Poison Chalice

Making bold predictions always seems to leave you prone to the pundits curse, case in point, see my glowing review of Aston Villa "Breaking the Mold", which coincided with a dismal run of 6 games without a win for Martin O'neill's team.

So, despite the curse crippling my literary confidence, I think Alan Shearer's return to Newcastle as manger was not only prematurely timed, but will leave the Toon army scrapping in the Championship next season. However, this is one prediction that I will be happy to see proved wrong, come the end of May when the Premier League issues next season passes.

At some point, it was inevitable that Alan Shearer would return to St James's Park as Manager much to the delight of his adoring fans. Every time Newcastle dispose of a Manger, which if we are honest happens on a regular basis, Shearer's name crops up almost as frequently as the famous one handed goal salute we were all so a custom to seeing.

In the past when ever these rumours of a return of the Newcastle legend began to circulate, they were usually met with denial from Shearer, stating a lack of experience and it not being the right time. Maybe Shearer just wanted to wait until the most difficult challenge came up, before he started swigging from the poison chalice. Should his interim appointment prove successful, it will have to rank with the greatest personal achievements Shearer has to date.

Prior to Newcastle's crunch game with Stoke, significant interest was given to Michael Owen starting the match. Shearer revealed that Newcastle's strikers could not feed on scraps, an eating disorder he was all to eager to avoid in his playing days. However, it is the defensive fragility's that have left Newcastle hungry and in the drop zone, which need the most of his attention. Concentrating on the inclusion of a nearly fit Owen, I assume was a topic he naturally found familiarity in.

Unfortunately for Newcastle, it took only 30 minutes at the noisy Britannia Stadium, for their defense to be exposed once again, after a corner left former Newcastle player Abdoulaye Faye, wide open to head home for the potters. The man assigned to mark Faye? Newcastle striker, Shola Ameobi. Even if you are a striker by nature, anyone can see the criminal amount of space Faye was left to stroll in to and nod home, would have the defensive coaching staff exchanging guilty looks, and no feasible explanation.

Shearers coaching staff, which consists of Colin Calderwood, Iain Dowie and former caretaker manager Chris Hughton all adorned with an ear piece and microphone headset, closely resembled a make shift Take That tribute band, that have all the gear and no idea. Shearer will obviously need all the experience and support he can get, but his backroom staff will need to be whispering defensive solutions, and tactics which are not as one dimensional as long ball, hit and hopes to 5ft 8in Michael Owen- not "Relight my Fire" lyrics.

To give credit to Shearer, he did drop defender Coloccini, in favour of Canadian David Edgar, and in the second half, Newcastle slowly began to chip away at the vulnerable 1-nil lead, Stoke were protecting. And, Shearer later demonstrated signs of tactical astuteness when he brought on substitute Andy Carroll. A powerful centre forward in a similar mold as Shearer himself, repaid his managers faith with a superb looping header, to salvage a crucial point for the traveling Geordies . Shearer wanted 3 points, a tall order given that Stoke have won 8 of their home games, a feat only bettered by the big four, but a single point is a welcome consolation, give the devastating consequences a defeat would have brought.

Shearer's appointment has been a great PR exercise, and has no doubt given a much needed moral boast to fans and players alike. His managerial skills will be put to the test over the next few weeks, and maybe he will use the time to prove the errors in my judgment, and justify that this was the best time to jump in to the hot seat. If he manages to keep Newcastle in the Premier League, he will once again been hailed as the home town hero, and if he fails who would hold a grudge against him, as much of the damaged was done long before his arrival. Either way his legendary status will be left untainted, and Joe Kinnear's hospital discharge, left pending.

Stoke City v Newcastle
by Doleymai

Who is Federico Macheda?

"Macheda sinks Brave Villa". That was all the Headline news I needed to read in my news feed, for me to quickly come to the realization, that Aston Villa had lost to United after apparently putting in a "brave" performance. Brave as it may have been, it was little consolation, falling woefully short of the motivation needed to open the article and delve for more information. The name Macheda, though it was not familiar to me, also didn't pique my interest, and I promptly started wasting time, aimlessly "checking" facebook.

At this point, with my mind preoccupied with Ferguson's mechanical ability to ensure the wheels have not fallen off the United wagon, I am greeted with instant messages from Jamie, enthusiastically demanding "did you see the game?"And irrationally stating, "this is game of the season and a 17 year old won it for united, the stuff dreams are made of!" I managed to resist reminding him that the game of the season had already occurred, happening just before the inconvenient International break when Liverpool thrashed United 4-1 at Old Trafford. The fact that I had not seen the United v Villa game, was a minor detail I was willing to overlook in my blissfully unbiased belief that the Liverpool game could not be bettered.

With my stubborn denial barely intact, after Jamie's barrage of instant messages, I received a phone call from another footballing Colleague in Jude, asking whether I had seen the game and the great goal that won it. Now, this may have just been a welcome distraction from the real purpose of the call which was arranging the collection of football kit left in my car over the weekend after consuming many victory beers on Friday evening, but two people singing the praises of this game, and in particular a talented teenager now had my full attention.

This led to the inevitable. "March Madness" was the marketing stroke of genius conceived by Setanta, offering free access to the Premier League for the month of March, knowing full well that it would take a strong will to resist signing up for the channel after the free access was cut, given that potentially one of the most exciting climax's of the Premier League was just around the corner.

I am that weak willed person unable to resist the mere $14 a month fee required to have channel 429 bare its presence on my screen again. And, after a short phone call to the man who has the power to feed my unhealthy addiction to Football, I was soon scrambling through the channels schedule, eagerly looking for when the game would be repeated.

Unfortunately the schedule did not show any sign of the game being repeated, so I was left to watch highlights online (see below). Highlights never really give a true feeling as to how good or bad a game was, which was the case with this game. All I will say is, the turn by Macheda, was gravity defying. Poor Curtis Davies, is left facing the opposite direction as Macheda swivels and curls in a fantastic strike. I'm left wondering what was better, the turn or the strike? Curtis Davies is left, still inside out.

Who is Federico Macheda? I have no idea. Its too early to answer that question, maybe he is a flash in the pan, maybe he is the next star to grace the Premier League. Time will tell, but what is certain is the international break has not halted the momentum of excitement the Premier League conclusion has fast become.


Manchester United v Aston Villa

International Heart Break

Could the International break have come at a worse time? Just when the Premier League was finally coming to an exciting climax, with Manchester United at last proving they are human after all, we have to reassure our national legion's, and begin mumbling God save the Queen.

At least, this international break does have some significance for some nations, with a World Cup Qualifier being thrown in with a friendly. Did they think we wouldn't notice the friendly, or perhaps mistake it for another qualifier??

International friendlies are important, its just hard for the average fan to get excited about a game, whom's only reward is another cap for players, and on the rare occasion for managers to try out new players/tactics. If anything, I would advocate more friendlies, as in theory this would give players more International experience, and would provide the internationals managers a welcome break, from whatever it is they do for the rest of the year.

In reality, what little friendlies are played, end up being a very small window for experiment, meaning that we end up with what was so expertly demonstrated by then England Manager, Sven Goran Eriksson, making 11 changes plus at half time. Even the kit man got subbed, nobody was guaranteed a full 90 minutes!

The result of all this cramming, is the devaluing of the international friendly. You can hardly blame fans, who have in the past spent time and money on tickets, get disgruntled at the sight of their favourite players gingerly tip toeing around in fear that they might get a bollocking from their respective club manager if they fail to come back in one piece.

Ironically, I have to admit that while the distinct lack of enthusiasm shown by players can be an embarrassment to my nationality at times, I also find myself crossing my fingers, that upon their return, the club squad is left intact, especially at this time of the season.

In truth, over the startling and some what scary 20 years I have been a fan of the beautiful game (Italia 90' being where it all began), I have seen the slow shift in legions from country to beloved club, for both player and fan. As the old First Division was re-branded in to the Premier League shortly after Italia 90, the game has become far more professional, standards have been raised and with it, the amount of money sloshing around the footballing Industries coffers.

So, as we wait a whole 7 days for our next premier league fix, building enough paranoia to suggest the timing of the international break was a masterful plot by the Premier League to have us gasping for more, we are left to get a poor substitute in 'Arry and Fabs bickering over the fitness of Ledley King who must have been learning far too much from Darren "sicknote" Anderton in his academy days.

One person who will welcome the international distraction though, will be Sir Alex Ferguson. We all assumed that his refusal to speak to the press after the Liverpool game would have been a big enough signal to his team to refocus by the time they faced Fulham. Paul Scholes moment of madness amidst the complacency in which United started their game at Craven Cottage, being a stark reminder of assumptions being the mother of all F*@k ups, has shown even with the wealth of experience united possess, Ferguson actually has a challenge on his hands. A challenge he will be looking to reassert himself on during the shelter of the international break.