United's "next goal wins" tactic pays off once again.

Their aren't many things that I would adopt from North American Sports, I can live without the intermingled fans and the nauseating piano plucking that fails to make up for the absence of atmosphere, but punctual time keeping is defiantly one that I would favour. All North American sports, I believe, stop the clock for injuries and disciplinary. Even time sapping final minute substitutions would be a pointless tactical endeavor when you have the miraculous ability to freeze time with the push of a button.

When will the FA, finally update their time piece's with one's that have stop/start technology, i.e. a stop watch? Rugby has somehow kept up with technologies relentless charge towards progress with a complex audio device that hoots after 80 minutes, and they employ video replays for those decision that are just too tight or too physically difficult to call. Michel Platini's insistence to litter the bylines with humans brains, incapable of mental replays is an idiotic idea I will leave for another day.

Manchester United once again profited from stoppage time, rescuing a point against Sunderland after being uncharacteristically subdued for most of the game. Put it this way, its not often that Paul Scholes struggles with his passing, but he would have struggled to tie his own laces let alone thread a decent ball through a well organised Steve Bruce inspired defense.

Sir Alex Ferguson, vented his frustration at the Referee Alan Wiley's fitness being far inferior to that of a butchers dog from Europe, but I thought the rotund whistle blowers performance was just about at the level you would expect for 90 minutes. Nobody told him to train for 90+ minutes, poor little mongrel was probably wondering when it would finally end. I'm sure for his next match he wont be so ill prepared, having rebuilt his fragile self esteem by pounding the tread mill in mid week.

But its not just United I am targeting here. They have benefited from the most added on time in the Premiership over recent years, proved by a Guardian article published shortly after the outrageous 6 minutes added on in the Manchester derby last week -Craig Bellamy really does need to work on those over elaborate 6 minute goal celebrations- but teams win and lose out to vague stoppage time week in week out. In what profession are rough time estimates universally acceptable, apart from builders? Try explaining to someone unfamiliar with football, the complex equations needed to calculate what is a sufficient amount of additional time, and you end up making football look woefully primitive, as their disappointed faces will illustrate.

In a game, and especially the premier league, that has progressed so much in the last two decades in terms of both global appeal and the shear volumes of money at stake, football's reluctance to progress rectifiable problems is baffling. Its the equivalent of insisting on using a sun dial, only to start guessing the time when the ominous black clouds rudely cover the skies.

Besides feeling sorry for a referee that will now be insecurely checking his figure in the mirror, I to feel an unusual sense of empathy towards all referee's in general. Don't get me wrong, I am among the first to hurl verbal abuse at them through the TV, before the rationale of them obviously not being able to hear me enters my mind (when will they make TV's with two way audio so that I don't look psychotic??), but I can't help but feel they have way too much expectation heaped upon them. When you have the worlds eyes judging your every decision in HD, replays and slow motion, who then also needs the added worries of tacking on the right amount of additional -additional- time.

I say take away at least the time keeping responsibilities from referee's. Install a timer that has the uncanny ability to stop when needed, and signals the end of the half/game with a very clear horn blast. Mind you, it doesn't have to be a horn blast, I'm sure their are plenty of creative noises that could be used, such as Sir Alex Ferguson shouting one word profanities. That would do it. This way, ref's could concentrate on trying to make the right decisions instead of fretting over when to blow up for full time. The accuracy of their decisions can be assisted later, via video replay, but for now baby steps, one thing at a time.

This unprecedented, abrupt way to bringing games to a grinding halt will also prevent managers cowardly pointing at their Rolex's when sweating under the heat of the post match press box lights and camera's, as excuses slip their minds. Instead, they can moan about their own teams defensive lapses. For example, Where was Micah Richards when Owen slipped in that winner, and why on earth didn't Tevez boot the ball into the opposite stand when he had the chance? I await your answer Mr. Hughes.

Anyway, as progress in the governing bodies of Football seems to move at an excruciating slow pace, I'm sure my legislative reforms will take a while to churn through the cogs of bureaucracy, so for now I'm off to put Alan Wiley through his paces by chasing him with a butchers dog. One preferably from a Europe, like a German Sheppard. They must be from Germany right??

Setanta Tear Drops

Apparently, according to Setanta Sports, or at least Setanta in North America, Manchester United did not win the Premier league title this season. For some reason, I decided to subject myself to the Manchester United v Arsenal game, in the faint hope that Arsenal would be able to stop the rot that had set in over recent weeks, and conjure up a win at Old Trafford that would at least see the Premiership go to the final day, next weekend.

Unfortunately for Liverpool, the closest Arsenal came to halting the party proceedings, was a Cesc Fabrigas effort which struck the post in the closing moments. A few minutes later, the final whistle blew, and Old Trafford lethargically managed to put down the prawn sandwich's and rise to a sing along to the usual cliche 80's "champions" Ballard's, courtesy of Tina Turner and the like.

At this point, most people (apart from Man United fans of course) would have switched the tele off in frustration and grumbled off the rest of the day in a pissy mood. I retained the mood, but for some reason I chose not to hit the standby button, and stubbornly, slumped lazily in my dressing gown, channel changer in one hand, empty cup of tea in the other, masochistically suffered the celebrations like a unhealthy fetish disorder.

During this time of quiet introspection, I noticed that the level of decibel I was producing was not far inferior to that of the Theatre of Dreams. Why was the atmosphere so subdued? Was it because that winning the Premier league was now such a normal custom, that behaving inappropriately had become a choir, or maybe the delay while the pitch staff setup the winners podium, was testing the supporters patience. All I know is, had Liverpool, or many other teams for that matter, managed to clinch the title, I, and along with everyone in the stadium, in pubs and those sat on sofas would be going mental. The 19 year Premier League absenteeism, has made my heart grow fond, very fond indeed.

When finally the stage had been constructed, the fireworks and bottles of champagne readied, all that was left was for the United squad to reemerge from the tunnel, and administer my final whips of pain. Fortunately for me, and I am assuming more realistically because of Broadcasting rights, Setanta saved me from my own torment, and decided to compensate by cutting to generic shots of the Trafford crowd, and then even more astonishingly, to a take a far more important broadcasting assignment in Arsène Wenger's interview, in French -may I add, with Canal +!!!

What ever reasons for Setanta's baffling coverage, whether it be broadcasting rights or other, surely their must have been a more appropriate alternative than interviews not even in the channels language. Had Setanta's recent financial troubles left them short staffed over the weekend, leaving only the interns nervous fingers gingerly hovering over the producers dials?

I will take it as a blessing in disguise, and probably a happy coincidence that will do my mental state a world of good, probably more than the hollow victory for Liverpool at the Hawthorns did, which also indirectly resigned Albion to the Championship next season.

For every neutral or non Man United supporter, attention can be turned to next season, and more importantly, hoping that Sir Alex Ferguson will hang up his managerial boots some time soon, a fate that I think won't occur until Liverpool's now joint record of 18 league titles is eclipsed.