Fionn MacCool's Celtic 5-0 AS Rosso

Celtic have rediscovered the rich vain of form enjoyed at the start of the season, but the comfortable 5-nil win over AS Rosso was overshadowed by the revelation that, after last weeks debacle in which a Sierra player ended the game by punching the referee instead of the more traditional 3 whistle blast, was once again plying his trade only a week later.

How on earth did he manage to dodge the disciplinary punishment we all had expected? Apparently, as the referee's official match report did not include a red card for the assault, effectively the punch never existed, meaning the Sierra player walks scot-free. Which, is basically the equivalent defence of getting away with day light robbery in front of 22 witnesses, due to a clerical error.

Also, in what is arguably even more stunning was the referee's assistant blatant denial about the event when questioned by Manager Tibby. It must be reassuring for any budding referee out there, to know you have no support from your fellow assistant when punches are thrown. Would his story but quite so non committal, had Fourie not be protecting the referee from an imminent beating??

So while the TSSL sit uncomfortably on the fence, picking a t the splinters, lets turn to matters on the match. AS Rosso started the game with only 10 men, but as so often we have seen throughout the season, Celtic struggled to break down a stubborn side determined to camp in their own half, intent only to counter attack.

This strategy, although risky, was not surprising given AS Rosso's numerical disadvantage and Celtic's depth in squad. However, when you invite so much pressure in your own half it is only a matter of time before the bridge is breached. And, despite the referee's assistant constant flagging for offside, (passive aggressive behavior from the pre-match tough questioning) Celtic eventually managed to cater for the questionable flag raising, when Curley was released down the left hand side with only the keeper to beat. With the on rushing AS Rosso keeper closing down the angle, Curley decided against the early shot, and with quick feet outrageously dummied the goal keeper, sending him the wrong way, which left an easy open net for Curley to knock home.

Celtic continued to pressure for a second goal before hand time, but were mostly frustrated by AS Rosso defensive tactics. Eventually, around 10 minutes before time, AS Rosso were strengthened by reinforcements giving them their 11th man. The extra man gave them renewed confidence, and AS Rosso began to creep away from the defensive tactics, which worked in Celtic's favour as their was now more space to exploit in the AS Rosso back line. So, the half ended with Celtic the stronger, and unfortunate not to take in a 2 goal lead, after creating 2 or 3 chances before the break.

The second half continued where the first had left off, with Celtic setting the pace and creating the better chances. Celtic were utilising the strength of depth in the squad with McCann coming on for Teague before the fist half ended and had already threatened with a well placed shot beyond the keeper which was trickling in to the bottom corner only to be cleared off the line. McCann proved that he was taking to the TSSL media league like a duck to water however, when he scored Celtic's second and his second in as many games for the hoops.

Celtic were now in full control and it would not be long before the third followed. Teague, was needlessly hacked down in the box, with has back to goal, which gave the referee little choice but to point to point to the spot. Teague was keen to take the penalty, with the hope of ending a goal draught, but the reliable Prior was in uncharitable mood, and continued his 100% penalty conversion with another expertly taken spot kick.

Winning the penalty kick would be Teague's last contribution before a 2 week sabbatical in Europe designed to get his head in order. However, rumours have been rife that Teague may be looking for new pastures, after being spotted in the near vicinity of the Parc des Princes, home of Paris Saint Germain. If a transfer does materialise, a return to GDL Athletic, Teague's former stomping ground, does however look the more likely destination.

Celtic's fourth came after Stuckmann finally made use of his 6ft 6" frame from a corner. The virtually impossible to defend against Stuckmann, rose to meet the corner with a commanding header, but was denied by a good save from the AS Rosso keeper. However the keeper could only palm the ball back in to Stuckmann's path, who, with a second bite of the cherry smashed home the half volley.

Celtic wrapped up proceedings with the 5th from Immaishvilli. After beating the offside trap, Immaishvilli was clean through down the left channel, and kept his composure coolly slotting the ball under the keeper from just inside the box.

Due to "technical difficulties", which suspiciously coincided with Teague's trip to Europe, unfortunately Sport Bullet was unable to report on Celtic's second game of the weekend against minnows Trinity Park, where a high scoring victory was predicted. Until the technical problems are resolved, which is estimated to take an unforgivable two weeks at the earliest, Sport Bullet will be relying on morse code for results. With regards to the Trinity Park game, we can confirm that Celtic met the bookies expectation with a 9-0 thrashing.

Celtic now go in to a crucial part of the season, having hit great form just at the right moment. However, they are now dependant on other teams dropping points, in order to claim the Media League title. In the mean time, Celtic will concentrate on their game and ensure they do all they can to apply the pressure on league pace setters Multinational.

Sierra's Fallen Stars

I said tickets for this one were selling fast, and if you failed to be one of the lucky few who managed to get hold of one, you missed out on a game that had everything, and then some more thrown in for good measure. But first, I will quickly and painlessly call to order that other game on the weekend against Zoomer FC. It will be short and suit, as we all know that the result was below par and Celtic more than made amends the following day. Plus, I am dying to divulge the Sierra meltdown, which is going to take some cleaning up.

Fionn MacCool's Celtic 1-1 Zoomer FC

In a nut shell, Celtic dominated for lengthy periods of the game, but could not muster a cutting edge to see off the challenge of Zoomer. And, as so often is the case when a side dominates play, it only takes one lucky punt in to the box for the inevitable to happen. After a solid Celtic first half, 10 minutes in to the second half, Celtic gave away a penalty. Unfortunately there were to be no heroics from Fourie this week, who must be getting tired of the weekly penalty practice.

After the penalty, Celtic continued to frustrate and it took until 3 minutes from time for a point to be rescued and an embarrassing defeat avoided. In a game that drew few positives, Celtic will take some heart from debutant McCann, who finally broke the deadlock with a neat left foot finish in to the bottom left corner, after being put through by a surging Curley run.

And that is how the game ended. Manager Tibby said what needed to be said after the game, and the Mike Bassett, "England Manager" inspired speech must have paid off, as Celtic looked indistinguishable the following day. So on to the Sierra debacle......

Fionn MacCool's Celtic 3-1 Sierra Stars

Where on earth do you begin?? Even Winston Wolf would have problems cleaning this mess up.

The picture to the left is probably a slight exaggeration of how the game may have ended, so I guess we should start with the free flowing football, that, to be fair both teams displayed when the game kicked off.

After the game against Zoomer, Celtic once again had to step up to the plate, as anything but a win would have left all of last weeks hard work against Sierra and the season in tatters.

From the moment the referee got the mouth watering occasion started there was a sense of urgency, and straight away you knew it was going to be an open game, as both teams threw caution to the wind in search of the win. Sierra were after revenge and Celtic were after the double over their arch rivals.

In the open exchanges Sierra began to apply the pressure, as their busy number 24, who's relentless running had Celtic on the back foot. As Sierra looked to push further up the field, and pin Celtic into the own half, the threat of the counter attack in behind the ever growing Sierra defense looked increasingly likely, especially with ability Celtic possessed in midfield.

So, it was little surprise that, with the Sierra defensive line close to the halfway line, a clever chip from midfield released Teague down the Celtic right Channel. Teague, hugging the touchline knocked the ball past the covering defender and showed him a clean set of heels. With the Sierra defense know breached, Teague continued his run in to the box, and with the keeper advancing squared the ball to the open Imnaishvili, who needed only one touch to bury the opportunity low and hard in to the bottom left corner.

Despite the opening early goal, the pattern of the open game remained, with Sierra enjoying a lot of the ball, and Celtic ready to pounce at every opportunity. Unfortunately, the Sierra possession paid off only minutes after the Celtic opener. The ball was lost in midfield and after appeals to the ref for an infringement fell on deaf, soon to be bruised ears, the Sierra midfielder continued his mazy run in to the heart of the Celtic defense, and then let fly from the edge of the box, with an unstoppable effort that flew in to the top left corner. Sometimes, you just have to accept a decent goal, and Celtic remained positive despite the set back.

The Sierra goal would soon be forgotten, as Celtic insured they would end the half with their noses in front. Another clever chipped ball from midfield in behind the Sierra defense had Teague chasing a 50-50 with the Goalkeeper. Teague just managed to get a slight touch ahead of the keeper, but was wiped out for his troubles and sent crashing to the ground. The keeper making the rash decision, that if he missed the ball he would at least take out the man, as the goal would have been wide open. With Teague decked, reluctantly, and I hear, after pondering what seemed like a stone wall penalty, the referee eventually pointed to the spot.

Prior, this time managed to fight off the enthusiastic advances of Fourie, and patiently lined up his penalty. With the Celtic nerves on edge, Prior remained cool and ensured Teague's injury would not be in vain, effortlessly stoking the ball in the bottom left, sending the keeper the opposite way.

The second half continued with both teams willing to keep the game open, but slowly and surely the tide began to turn in Celtic's favour, as Sierra grew increasingly frustrated. As the indiscipline started to seep in to Sierra's play, more and more freekicks were being awarded to Celtic which only served to perpetuate Sierra's "anger" issues on and off the field.

With the game reaching boiling point, and the restless Sierra support taking over the Celtic section, Sierra surged forward with the number 24 going on another penetrating run. However, the dazzling run would end in rather more subdued fashion, as the midfielder decided to dive when a well timed Celtic tackle came flying in. The ref didn't fall for the play acting, but Sierra at this point now feeling aggrieved, were incensed, so decided to take matters in their own hands and pressed the self destruct button.

From the clearing Celtic defense the loose ball was picked up by Prior in midfield. And, before he had time to gather his bearings, a reckless lunge came flying in from Sierra leaving Prior in a heap. This was possibly one of the worst looking challenges I have ever seen, and was the type of tackle that could end a career. Fortunately for Prior though, limbs were left intact, but the already under pressure ref had little choice but to send off the Sierra player.

So, with Sierra already furious after what they felt was a freekick on the edge of the box, was deemed a dive, now had to deal with being a man down only seconds later. Which, in terms of the volatile Sierrra temperament, was like pouring petrol onto an already out of control blaze.

The Sierra players surrounded the ref, berating him on what was a clear sending off. The Sierra left back though, took it one step further, and must have been mimicking the sort of language his supporters were using, as astonishingly after the dust had some what settled, the ref also gave him his marching orders, leaving Sierra down to 9 men.

With Sierra facing an uphill struggle with two men sent off, they were unable to clear their lines, and it was only a matter of time before more controversy came their way. Curley received possession in the box after Sierra had failed to clear, and was again hacked down, leaving the ref no choice but to issue another penalty to the hoops. Which, in machine like fashion Prior dispatched, claiming his second of the game.

The game was very near to a finish, but you could see shades of the infamous ugly brawl that occurred 2 years ago bubbling at the surface. The concept of football had been all but deserted by Sierra, and their only mission now was to hurt as many players as possible. On two occasions, the Sierra number 10 slapped Chisholm, who incredibly managed to restrain himself and continued to mark the player out of the game.

The Sierra number 10 though would eventually pick a fight that you can never win. After yet another Celtic player was on the receiving end of wayward tackle, this time it being Bredin's turn, Sierra surrounded the referee again, and the number 10 decided that as he had had no luck getting a rise out of Chisholm, why not try the ref? So, in what I can only describe as the worst moment I have witnessed, the Sierra number 10 punch's the ref. Granted, it was never enough to send the shaken up ref to the canvas but this was inexplicable, and it sent the game into a complete and utter farce.

The game was abandoned with probably only a couple of minutes on the clock, with the referee calling the Celtic team to the centre circle to give the final whistle, before taking refuge behind Fourie with the Sierra entourage looking for blood.

I am sure their are plenty of bad tackles, punches thrown and profanities that I have missed, but what I can be sure of is, Celtic won 3-1 deservedly with outstanding performances throughout the team. And, in what is arguable even more of achievement, is that despite all the chaos and provocation surrounding them, Celtic kept their cool as the game boiled over, leaving their dignity, pride and season intact. The disgraced Sierra on the other hand, will await what will have to be serious disciplinary action from the TSSL.

Morton 1-1 Fionn MacCool's Celtic

Following the previous weekends first league defeat of the season, where the football on display was as absent as the non existent match report that didn't follow it, Celtic, travel sick after the last minute venue changes, courtesy of the "Garbage" (Rubbish) strike, were under the cosh to get back to winning ways. It was a weekend littered (outrageous pun) with events, which would ultimately end in the unfortunate trip to Scarborough's finest casualty ward.

Despite Celtic possessing possibly the largest squad in the TSSL Media League, the season so far has been riddled with player injuries and absenteeism, once again calling in to question the possible need for reinforcements. Balancing a squad with the talent and ego's of Celtic's stature is a tumultuous task, and adding to it will be calculated, methodical process we come to expect from Tibby the technician.

Injuries and absenteeism aside, another element beyond the realms of Celtic's control are the wonderful little people dressed in smart black uniforms we affectionately call ref. And, while my documentation of the dictators empowered by the all conquering whistle in trusted upon them, has been quite extensive, this episode trumps all before it -Including, any game at any level.

You may recall the harrowing critique of the first female referee I, and I am sure many others, were blessed with a few weeks back. After a 40 minute drive out of Toronto, to the suburbs, the last thing I was anticipating was the sight of being graced with her presence once again. Luckily, she was only summoned to marshal the byline, but more worrying, or should I say disturbing, was the family of ref's that would officiate the game. Lord of the manner, the husband was the ref, his wife the lineman, or should I politically say, assistant ref and, barely legal, the daughter completed the family line up on the opposite wing. How, any sane farther can subject his teen daughter to what was bound to be a barrage of screaming expletives is baffling, especially given Morton's bullying tactics.

So, with the Adams family (thanks Jude!) eagerly bringing a start to proceedings, Celtic took to the new unfamiliar surroundings with the untested front line of Fitzpatrick and Imnaishvili. A front line that would see almost everyone playing a role in at some point, such was the lack of attacking depth, with Teague still injured and Curley taking care of family business.

The new attacking formula though, wasted no time at all, and marked their intent with the first attack of the game after barley 5 minutes had elapsed. Monaghan scurried down the right wing and squared the ball at pace to Fitzpatrick, who unwittingly flicked the ball into Imnaishvili's path. Imnaishvili looked like he had the goal at his mercy, only for the Morton keeper to smother the opportunity.

Chances between these two sides are usually few and far between, and Celtic looked impregnable in defence with the much hyped pairing of Stuckmann and Mercier. Stuckmann was dominating the Morton number 4, making the ample 6ft Englishman look like a midget with some towering headers.

With the scores level, the first half came to abrupt and premature end, after an aerial battle between the Morton Goal keeper and Monaghan left both players flat on the deck. A cross was floated in from the left wing, with the trajectory falling perfectly between both players, giving the illusion that both were favourite to win the ball. The reality though, only accommodated for one player in that much air space, so with both players bravely putting their head on the chopping block, a collision was imminent. We now all know what it sounds like when a human head thuds into another human head, and the resulting horrific injuries that follow.

After the sickening sound of heads clashing, initially first concerns were for the Morton Keeper, who landed heavily and immediately began screaming, a sound I was all to familiar with a couple of weeks earlier. However, and with so often the case, its the person that remains quiet and relatively motionless, which is where concern can go over looked. Monaghan, dazed, was left with a nasty cut to the brow and a brusie that was comparable in size to that of a golf ball. The ambulance was called and that would be the last action Monaghan and the Morton keeper would see, although the keeper remained on the sideline.

After a lengthy delay Celtic eventually started the second half in a subdued mood, as thoughts were still very much preoccupied with the concerns of Monaghan's injury still fresh in the mind. The injury meant more shuffling of the pack by Tibby, which saw Bredin in the unfamiliar roll of left back, while McCallam debuted in attack alongside Prior.

While this was McCallam's first taste of a striking roll, he had already threatened before the end of the first half with a neat turn and shoot effort which whisked past the post. McCallum continued to make a nuisance of himself, and half way through the second half burst in to the box only to be checked by the Morton left back. The challenge looked shoulder to shoulder, but McCallam's testimony clearly stated that the Morton defender had deliberately obstructed him, while he was at full tilt. The Morton defense were livid, and while they argued pointlessly to the anal retentive ref, I noticed a cheeky call from Celtic Goalkeeper, Fourie to manager Tibby. The substance's of the call was at first not obvious, until I realized Fourie was actually running towards the penalty spot. With Celtic still muttering between themselves as to who would take responsibility, the nod had already been granted to Fourie and he was eagerly lining up the ball.

Fourie, feeling invincible following his compatriots epic battle with the British and Irish Lions, which culminated in a monstrous 53 metre match winning penalty by Morne Steyn, looked to emulate the Bull's fly half albeit by considerably closer range. With an unorthodox starting position, that looked like Fourie was about to unleash a toe poke, we waited nervously for the ref's whistle. Eventually, after the ref finally explained his reason for delaying the kick, Fourie's moment of reckoning was here. Fourie focused and poised, began his canter towards the ball, picked his spot and confidently drilled the ball straight down the middle, while the keeper dived incorrectly to his left.

With Fourie's successful conversion, it will be a battle to see who gets the next spot kick, an enthusiasm which can only be a good thing for the Celtic Squad. However, if Fourie has any aspirations to take future penalties, he will need to work on his goal celebration, which resembled a hyper active dog let off its leash for the first time in a park, disobediently running aimlessly away from anyone. here boy, here boy!

After we manged to catch the runner way Fourie, and bind him to his rightful place between the sticks, it was unfortunately only moments later that he would himself be facing a penalty. After all the constant moaning and appealing for apparent hand balls spotted from the length of the pitch, the barrage had finally warn the ref down, who was itching to even up the score. In what was a carbon copy of the Celtic penalty, a Morton player was obstructed/shoulder barged except that the force was not strong enough for him to go down. However, the ref still judged that enough contact was made, and happily awarded a penalty.

The big Morton number 4, stepped up and scuffed his penalty which ended up bobbling over Fourie's hand, who had dived the right way. It was not the most convincing penalty you are likely to see, and the Morton player may need to confide in the Celtic Keeper before he takes another one.

Before the ref brought an end to the game, there was still time for another bizarre twist in an eventful day. Stuckmann, who had an excellent game, reacted to a challenge by the tricky Morton number 7. Both players squared up in a contest comparable to David and Goliath. And, much like the the biblical tale, Goliath ended up on the floor. The Morton player's push to the chest proved to be Stuckmann's weak point and embarrassingly he theatrically collapsed to the ground, a textbook manoeuvre straight out of the Jurgen Klinsmann book of diving. The Morton players rightfully ridiculed the act, but the ref, who must have thought he was in charge of a Premier league game, whipped out a straight red. Ironic that you will see far worse, career threatening challenges go unpunished on a weekly basis, only for straight red's to be issued liberally for hand bag shenanigans.

Off the back of defeat, Celtic steadied the ship after facing a tough Morton side with many players out of position. The draw, puts added pressure on next weeks game against the talented Multinational, as Celtic will need to get back to winning ways to keep their title challenge on course. I am open to suggestions for man of the match??

A Weekend of 2 Halfs

A Catalogue of goals, errors and double headers. Following last weeks record breaking exploits, Celtic picked up where they left off, writing history in the process against minnows Trinity Park, before the sobering clash against Premier opposition, DV Hawks in the TSSL Cup.

Fionn MacCool's Celtic 10-1 Trinity Park FC

Where do you start? Trinity Park, whom allegedly switched from the Sunday league to the Media League, in search of more hospitable pastures, continued their woeful underestimation of the Media League for the second week in a row, by succumbing to a heavy defeat at the hands of Celtic.

Looking at the score line, which resembles something that would be more familiar at the New Road cricket ground, its hard to believe that Trinity Park actually took the lead in this one sided encounter. From the moment you heard the shrill blast of the referee's whistle, Celtic dominated possession and territory, pinning Trinity firmly in to their own half with no feasible escape route. Had it not been for Celtic's insistence, in attempting to walk the ball in to the goal, which, considering the fight being put up by the entrenched opposition was not completely unrealistic, the scoring would have taken a predictable path.

However, as so often you see, a side dominates only for one aimlessly lofted ball by the opposition, to cut through the defense like a moment of genius attacking clarity. After 20 minutes, Trinity awoke form their sedated state, scoring against the run of play, after what seemed like another routine punt, evaded the Celtic back line, leaving a one on one with the Keeper. Fourie, fresh and alert to the danger after intensive sessions down the gym, did well to cut down the angle, and even managed to get a piece of the ball, was ultimately unable to save Celtic blushes -1 nil Trinity.

Before the kick off I had advised against complacency, as we had in the past, so often conceded points to lesser opposition. A fact that Fitzpatrick was quick to cross examine, reeling off countless victories against such weaker teams, in a robotic vidiprinter like manner. The statistical tongue lashing put me firmly in my place, but almost came back to haunt the scot, before reality finally kicked in 5 minutes after Trinity took the lead.

Temuri Imnaishvili, deployed as a striker instead of his preferred specialised left wing slot, came off the bench to pull Celtic level, after some tricky footwork opened up space in the box allowing a clean sight of goal. A collective sigh of relief was exhaled throughout the Celtic ranks, as the ball nestled in the net, and now it only felt like a matter of time before they would take the lead.

The equaliser though, only seemed to add more unneeded urgency to Celtic's hurried play, and it took the unlikely combination of the two Worcestershire born boys to put Celtic in the driving seat. Manager Tibby, who had previously stated his reluctance to be utilised on the pitch, came off the bench to score his first goal of the season, slotting home after being put clean through by Teague.

Before the half was up, Fitzpatrick added a third. And it was his first since that memorable goal in last years cup final, which every Celtic player, and anyone within a mile radius of Fitzpatrick, knows of as they have been subjected to a count by count rendition of the winner in forensic detail.

The second half continued in much the same vain that the first had finished, Celtic dictating play like an arrogant rogue totalitarian. The hoops had now earned the freedom to nonchalantly knock the ball around at will, and toy with Trinity, like a cat playing with a ball of string.

The feline qualities were unrelenting, the flood gates were now well and truly breached, and Celtic were adding to the score line quicker than the referee could scribble them down. Prior scored with clinical accuracy from the edge of the box after some great approach play by Celtic, proceeding goals by Curley, the returning Gonzalez and Mercier who dedicated his goal to the Celtic back line.

The over worked referee would have been forgiven for bringing a premature end to proceedings, given that both sets of players had lost track of the scoreline but ultimately he proved unforgiving allowing Celtic to reach double figures and a record winning margin.


DV Hawks 4-0 Fionn MacCool's Celtic

Unlike the previous result, this scoreline didn't tell the whole picture. Celtic, thin on numbers, due to injuries, players taking unauthorised vacation (when are you back Seamus?) and other unacceptable commitments, (Sheriff's take note) put up a brave fight against DV Hawks, who normally earn their scalps in the Premier division.

After a physical first half which saw DV Hawks 1 up, Celtic started the second half, aided by the strong Eglinton cross wind, knowing that an equaliser would have them right back in the fixture and would put the pressure back on DV Hawks. It would, however, be DV Hawks who first threatened to add to the score line, after Carney unceremoniously ended a darting run by their brummy forward inside the box. Carney will have felt like he had no choice but to bring the player down, and the referee was equally left with little option, and duly pointed to the spot.

At 12 yards, and against premier opposition, you would have betted on DV Hawks putting the game beyond doubt, but when you have the "Grobbelaar rubber legs" of Fourie in goal, mesmerising the forwards distracted eyes, anything can happen. And, just like Bruce and Jerzy before him, Fourie's tricks paid off, after the striker buckled under the torment, ballooning his effort clean over the bar. Cries of the now trademark "justice" bellowed out from the burly South African, and Celtic were off the hook.

However, Fourie's heroics were short lived. The pacey brummy forward again exploited the ball over the top, and no amount of wobbly legs were going to break his concentration this time, as gleefully he converted to make it two nil. This knocked the wind out of the Celtic sails, and despite some legitimate claims for a handball in the penalty box, that went unnoticed by the bewildered referee, who's performance was saved the scrutiny of video replay, Celtic could not fight their way back in to the game.

The final score ended 4 nil, which in truth flattered DV Hawks. They may have reached the next round of the cup, but they will not forget this bruising battle against the hoops too quickly, and the scars will serve as a reminder should their memory lapse.

For Celtic, their are bigger fish to fry, and attention will now quickly be turned to the League. On a weekend that served a record win and a deflating cup loss, Tibby will look to settle the ship, starting at home (Eglinton Flats NW corner) against Globe and Mail FC on Saturday 6th June, KO 9.00am