England Wage Psychological Warfare

And I am sure that will be the first of many war related puns that will fire from nearly every media cannon, as England make there way to Bloemfontein, where hostilities with the ze Germans will once again be reopened.

Finally, after the embarrassment of the gifted equaliser against the US, and the barely watchable stalemate with Algeria, Capello has managed to find the illusive key to unlock the psychological shackles that seem to cripple England when ever they reach a major tournament. Almost from the first whisle, England seemed to play with far greater freedom against the Slovenia in the deciding final group match.

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5 Steps to Save England's World Cup Venture

Back in January this year, I provided Rafael Benitez with a complimentary 5 step guide to follow, that guaranteed to revive Liverpool's stalling season and get them into the Champions League position that every club would happily sell there Grandmother for. Had Benitez chose not to shun the enlightening guide, he might have secured 4th spot, and not found himself extricated to the boredom of Italian football, with Internazionale.

Such is my willingness to offer the likes of Benitez with unrivaled wisdom, in a selfless act, I have this time provided Fabio Capello with 5 steps to save England's World Cup venture. All of the steps should be followed without question, to the letter and in the stated order. Failure to follow in this manner will void the guarantee of qualification for the second round. So without further delay......

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Robert Green's BP inspired Spill

Its hard to decide which is more horrific, the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is devastating a natural ecosystem, or Robert Greens's spill costing England all three points against the US in their opening 2010 World Cup game. At least this latest English spill will hopefully be easier to mop up, with the option of a possible change in personnel between the sticks. It beats trying to preen the feathers of wildlife with Fairy Liquid anyway.

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The FA: Are you losing it? If I play left back, Probably!!

We've all seen it at some point during the days of playing youth football. The obnoxious parent, that insists on making his presents felt off the pitch, while the child and the rest of the team cringes at each scornful remark.

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Blatter has only got one ball......

.......The other is bashfully knocking around the empty terraces of Croke Park.

Treading on dangerous ground, crudely adapting a rhyme about Hitler to that of beleaguered FIFA president, Sepp Blatter. Blatter can barely spin the politics of kicking a ball around a grass pitch let alone mass genocide.

Instead, what I am referring to in using the rhyme, is Blatter's lack of minerals. Following, the Republics controversial defeat to France last month, after Thierry Henry's handball assist, secured his nations place in next years World Cup, FIFA and the footballing world in general was once again under the spot light over how to manage blatant injustices, the implications of which can decide the fate of whether your nation competes in the World Cup or not.

For me, the solution to the problem is simple. Video replays. I'm sure there are plenty of arguments against this, such as it will slow down the flow of the game, and I would counter that simply with the fact that when there is so much at stake, and an extreme amount of pressure on officials, accuracy and integrity trumps time delays. I will save the other arguments for another day.

But, for as long as the governing bodies preside over what to do, they will continue to find themselves cleaning up their self imposed problems. I never really believed or expected anything to come of the injustice that quashed Irish hearts, and I also refuse to blame Henry's hand of Judas as a scapegoat. Long gone are the days of gracious sportsmanship, and, honestly, had I been in the same situation as Henry, I wouldn't have exactly been vigorously chasing the ref to give honest testimony over my fortuitous actions. As I said, despite sitting pretty on my moral high ground, I to fall short of sporting conduct from yesteryear. I would, however admit the offense and be in favour of a replay. All of which Henry eventually did.

Even the French felt the injustice, and felt little honour in qualifying in such controversial circumstances. So, back to Blatter and his minerals, or lack their of. While the Republic, and France to a lesser extent, exercised the idea of a replay, or an extra ball in the World Cup draw, FIFA sat on its hands and offered "moral compensation" as their pitiful solution. I can just imagine it now, Robbie Keane down on one knee gratefully accepting some shiny plaque as scant consolation, while Blatter and Platini look on in admiration of another job neatly swept under the red carpet of South Africa.

Following the painfully dull World Cup draw, throwing in an extra ball for Ireland, just to make the numbers odd would have offered some excitement, purely to see logistically how it would have been handled. Given that my nation, England, are not only in the World Cup, but have also landed a favourable group, I should be buoyed with excitement. But, being English, I have pessimism ingrained to my soul, which enables to me turn any group we happen to land in, as the now customary tournament "group of death". Portugal and Brazil? Nah, Algeria and Slovenia look far more worrisome.

So, being resigned to imminent disappointment no matter who was drawn, having Ireland thrown in to the mix, while the likes of Charlize Theron laboriously plucked out balls at random would have been a welcome distraction to a World Cup draw that otherwise invoked little enthusiasm. It too would have shown that FIFA are capable of solving problematic issues, instead of ignoring them until the next controversy rears its ugly head.

The World Cup is now "only" some 180 odd days away, which seems like a life time to me, but maybe in the mean time, Blatter and the powers that be in FIFA can proactively find a solution before the next big injustice is served. And, given my stated pessimism, I believe there is about as much chance of that happening as there ever was of Ireland reaching the World Cup, once Henry handed another rubix cube to the desk of Sepp Blatter.

Fat Beck's is off to South Africa

Even if David Beckham some how became obese, due to the 6 months spent on loan using the woefully inadequate training practices that 7 times European Cup winners AC Milan insist on using, I would personally mobilize the man mountain with one of those double width wheel chairs, to ensure he retains a place in England's World Cup Squad that is South Africa bound once United have predictably wrapped up the Premier League come summer time.

You can just picture it now. Beckham, Draped in the pristine white of the tailor made fat man's dress, majestically wallowing on the right wing, demonstrating less movement than a hog's corpse in the Kalahari desert, but with one wheezy lung full, capable of mustering up the energy to rain in a cross with military like precision.

Despite England having already qualified for South Africa with a game to spare, winning all but one game, and still able to pluck up enough motivation to comfortably beat Belarus 3-0 when I am sure most of the England squad would have rather been running back to their respective clubs injury free, some sections of the media such as tabloid chip paper the Daily Mail, still managed to put a negative spin on the feat, using David Beckham's, albeit surprising man of the match award, as the catalyst.

Jeff Powell's article entitled "David Beckham man of the match award another bad joke" started off by announcing that Wembley had descended into lunacy, compared Beckham work rate with that of the ball boys, and tied up the mental health analogy by describing Wembley as an Architects folly, that had at least for one night become the asylum of Beckham Madness. All very patriotic, celebratory and sterling stuff indeed.

Unfortunately, the lunacy that seemed to fill Wembley must have warped Powell's mind also, as he failed to see through Bruce's overly zealous man of the match award and recognise that the only senseless thing was entrusting Bruce's judgment, who has obliviously had a crush on Beckham ever since the spotty teenager was paraded in to the Old Trafford changing room by Ferguson many moons ago. That, and the faint hope that Beckham would trade in LA for the beach balls on Wearside rather than Milan!

Instead of relying on the judgment of supposed experts, who have suspicious ulterior motives, why not deploy a ballot with maybe four or five of the most obvious candidates, then let texts decide the winner. Not that I would ever vote, but I am sure between the many millions watching a suitable consensus would be reach on who deserved the man of the match.

I'm sure if Broadcaster had embraced this social interaction, we would have been saved Beckham's blush's when he received the generous award. And, that Bruce's selection and the ensuing negativity that followed, would not have over shadowed the game changing ability Beckham still possesses. I don't think Beckham should be starting for England come next summer, but he could prove to be a secret weapon, especially when England are lackluster and in need of a creative spark. Beckham has never been a winger full of blistering pace or bags of tricks, but his passing and crossing has been, and still remains to be world class, and for those reasons alone he gets my vote.

International Heart Break

Could the International break have come at a worse time? Just when the Premier League was finally coming to an exciting climax, with Manchester United at last proving they are human after all, we have to reassure our national legion's, and begin mumbling God save the Queen.

At least, this international break does have some significance for some nations, with a World Cup Qualifier being thrown in with a friendly. Did they think we wouldn't notice the friendly, or perhaps mistake it for another qualifier??

International friendlies are important, its just hard for the average fan to get excited about a game, whom's only reward is another cap for players, and on the rare occasion for managers to try out new players/tactics. If anything, I would advocate more friendlies, as in theory this would give players more International experience, and would provide the internationals managers a welcome break, from whatever it is they do for the rest of the year.

In reality, what little friendlies are played, end up being a very small window for experiment, meaning that we end up with what was so expertly demonstrated by then England Manager, Sven Goran Eriksson, making 11 changes plus at half time. Even the kit man got subbed, nobody was guaranteed a full 90 minutes!

The result of all this cramming, is the devaluing of the international friendly. You can hardly blame fans, who have in the past spent time and money on tickets, get disgruntled at the sight of their favourite players gingerly tip toeing around in fear that they might get a bollocking from their respective club manager if they fail to come back in one piece.

Ironically, I have to admit that while the distinct lack of enthusiasm shown by players can be an embarrassment to my nationality at times, I also find myself crossing my fingers, that upon their return, the club squad is left intact, especially at this time of the season.

In truth, over the startling and some what scary 20 years I have been a fan of the beautiful game (Italia 90' being where it all began), I have seen the slow shift in legions from country to beloved club, for both player and fan. As the old First Division was re-branded in to the Premier League shortly after Italia 90, the game has become far more professional, standards have been raised and with it, the amount of money sloshing around the footballing Industries coffers.

So, as we wait a whole 7 days for our next premier league fix, building enough paranoia to suggest the timing of the international break was a masterful plot by the Premier League to have us gasping for more, we are left to get a poor substitute in 'Arry and Fabs bickering over the fitness of Ledley King who must have been learning far too much from Darren "sicknote" Anderton in his academy days.

One person who will welcome the international distraction though, will be Sir Alex Ferguson. We all assumed that his refusal to speak to the press after the Liverpool game would have been a big enough signal to his team to refocus by the time they faced Fulham. Paul Scholes moment of madness amidst the complacency in which United started their game at Craven Cottage, being a stark reminder of assumptions being the mother of all F*@k ups, has shown even with the wealth of experience united possess, Ferguson actually has a challenge on his hands. A challenge he will be looking to reassert himself on during the shelter of the international break.

Great Britain 1-0 England

Its very easy to get swept away with the political nonsense that is swarming around the Great Britain football team for the Olympics. In perspective every football fan, whether English, Irish, Scottish or Walsh knows that the Olympics football tournament is of far less importance than the World cup or the Euro. I might even go as far to say that the League Cup has more prestige and significance.

The point is, the Olympics will clash with Euro 2012 with its unfortunate timing, so being drawn in to the debate of who manages, the nationality of who plays, which nations participate and so on, will be unrewarding as the focus will be on "which hotel should we book in Poland/Ukraine" and "why wasn't Beckham selected, hes only 37!!

How ever unrewarding the debate might or might not be, what I don't understand in my political naivety, is why, given the albeit flimsy promise from FIFA not to jeopardise the individuality of each nation in the future, are nations worried about loosing their teams? How could a "meaningless" tournament as described by the SNP's Pete Wishart, have the power to wipe out the individual nations in future tournaments?

The rest of the Great Britain team, from what I understand is made of people from Great Britain. And when they return from the Olympics they are not held up at customs because they now have no recognised nationality and have become an illegal alien.

Also, and this is not the first time we hear of special cases, purely as this is football we are talking about, but why is it that the British Lions are capable of uniting and competing in tournaments, without the threat of dismantling their respective nations upon return?

The chances, I believe, of their being no Scotland or Wales or Ireland or even England for that matter, in future football tournaments, just because of a gold medal enticing Olympic kick around are slim at best. Can you even begin to imagine the up raw. The logistics alone would cause Great Britain to implode.

Pete Wishart also described the reason Gordon Brown is calling for a united team, is a political move, demonstrating his "British Agenda". Well, given that this will be the first Olympics held in the United Kingdom since 1948, its hardly surprising that there is some excitement and call for "British" unity. Ironic that if the situation is not resolved, there is a possibility that the Great Britain team that enters the Olympics might be all English, as confirmed by Sports minister Gerry Sutcliffe, which even as an England fan I find disappointing.

Anyway, I went against my own word and got swept away with the political storm that will always be brewing around the whole Great Britain football team debate, right next to the when will the Scottish Premier amalgamate with the Premier League cloud. What I will end with is that given that all the home nations failed to qualify for the last major tournament, Euro 2008, may be the Olympics doesn't seem so meaningless after all....hmmm.

17 More to go for Beckham

Given that the highest capped player for England is former Goal Keeper Peter Shilton with 125 caps, its unlikely that David Beckham will eclipse the remarkable record.

Shilton reached the figure by playing into his 40's which by today standards, at least for outfield player, is pretty unheard of.

Due to the time difference of living in to Toronto, I unfortunately missed the Spain v England game, as I was still sharpening pencils at my desk. From the coverage the following morning, the general consensus was that, Although England hadn't played particularly bad, they were missing that cutting edge that would put them in to the same bracket as the European champions, Spain.

After what has been an impressive start to Fabio Capello's England term, a defeat at the hands to Spain will keep the over inflated England expectation under control. There is still some way to go for England, but the images of the "wolly with the brolly" are slowly being erased.

What ever the result in Seville, the moment will be remembered for Beckham equaling the legend, Boobby Moore's record of 108 caps. 8 years a go, England played Greece at Old Trafford, in what was one of the worst games I have ever witnessed. All we needed was a draw to qualify for the World Cup, and despite never scoring on English soil, Greece had managed to score twice and were leading England 2-1, two minutes in to injury time. As Motty says in the commentry, "Beckham has vertually played Greece on his own" was not an over statement. Enjoy...